Recalls.....

am i myself??
if i am...y cant i control my own feelings?
haih...
wat firstly happen was i am worried about my practical exam result....
n now...
i already got the result n i pass with 125 marks which is equals to merit...
well...i think most people will think it is good enough for getting a merit in Gd 8 practical exam...
at first...
i WAS glad that i got a merit~!
but somehow...
i was really sad when i ask my teacher about another student of his who took the gd 8 exam as well... she got a DISTINCTION~! just enough ....130 marks~!
i just feel very bad because i think i practice so much more than her...
as well i heard her played her first piece which was by Handel n it dont sound prepared to me (the day she play that piece was just a day be4 her real exam).....
disappointed................... :(
y is this happening...?????
in myself i know....i shouldn`t compare myself with others because different ppl hav different ability in different things...especially things which deals with art....
but...i just cant accept that in fact she DID much more better than me....
n now...something more worst is happening...
first of all....i need to decide wat will be my next step....
i am suppose to continue with my diploma... but....which one to take...?????
2 opinions is running thru my head now..... some say taking PC (performance cert.) will ensure i will hav a diploma in hand after a year of preperation.....
then....the 2nd group say....taking PC will be wasting my time....just go straight forward to AT.... but AT will take me at least 1 and 1/2 years to prepare..
n as well...AT is harder to pass compared to PC...
AH~~~~~~~~~~~
so irritating.....
y lifes hav to hav so MANY decision to make........................
so...this problem is still bugging me till today...
but....there comes the 2nd problem....
i need to n i want to learn pop piano music with my current teacher.....
the problem is....
i will not able to pay for my fees which is EXPENSIVE................
plus....my parent keep on asking me y am i still learning outside where i hav teachers to teach me in college...
but.......
they just dont understand..........
these two things are different...........
i understand as they were havin some finance problem because of the bad business they were facing these years....
but then....
haih...
i really dunno wat to do now....
besides...Raechen n Su-ann did give me opinion on this...which they suggest me to learn in college because the lecturer were more professional...
but meanwhile...college fees is not cheap as well...
so how......???????
i also dunno wat to do now....