Life road

Sometimes I wonder if this is not the road I've taken, what would I have been doin now.. But what I know is I don't know what should I do now.. My life seems to be so laid back.. Not earning enough money to get whatever I wan.. Not able to live with the life I wan.. I really felt so lost... Plan were not going as planned... I just can get used to it.. Am I being to squarish? I'm so used to planned life that when life doesn't go according to plan I just felt very frustrated.. I wanna move on wih my life.. I wanna get into a new chapter in my life.. Because I'm stuck in between.. I am stuck at a T junction .. Not knowing to turn left or right.. Shall I create another road other than left to right? But once I think of it.. Creating another road.. Need deep courage.. Aih...how? Can someone guild to the best road..

girl..

living as a girl is never easy...
if i ever had a child i think i prefer it to be a boy than a girl...
though i love girls cause i get doll them up and treat her like a princess...
but think harder...i dont wan her to go thru what girls hav to go thru...

as a girl...we always care about others but not ourselves..
you may be telling yourself that i love myself more than anyone else.
but when it comes to reality, it is totally the other way round.
especially when you r in love with someone...n especially the someone is your beloved boy.

he is always the priority...
he is always in your mind...
he is always your everything...

but in his mind,

my job is my priority...
my friends are in my mind...
my mistress is my everything...

but whats the point of complaining here?
thats the fact...
that is how God created us...

we r created to withstand all pains and sorrows..
girls have to go thru hard times in relationship...
girls have to withstand being hurt by guys...
girls have to withstand giving birth to new life...

to me...pain in giving birth is a joy...
cause only us girls manage to bring a new life to this world...
but sad case is guys dont appreciate that...
i wont say all guys r the same...but there are at least 30-40% r like that...
while girls hav to work...hav to take care of our child...hav to even take care of our man at home..
but...guys...they give excuses that they r busy...they r tired after work and etc...
what makes them different from a girl...
we need to work...so we wont be tired from work?
well...guys r not willing to take care of their kids..fine...
whats worst? i guess u n i knows it well...

thats the fact...girls..anything happen...take a deep breathe and let it go...
because the fact is we have to withstand everything that you dont want to withstand..

never trust movie storyline..

wonder...

sometimes i wonder when n how will it happen...
seen and heard many wonderful ones..
will mine be the same?

or maybe it will not happen at all?
dare not think too much...
dare not hope too much...

if i did...i will be comparing...
n i know is not a good thing...

let it comes naturally...
=)

hurt.

i have once been stab deep inside when i found the truth..
is healing as days goes by...
but today..i been hurt once more on the same wound...
a wound that i hav cover till the extend nobody could see it....
but u stab right thru it again..

u r trying to give me hope that the wound will disappear..
but i'm positively sure it will not...
it will stay there forever!
in fact...it may be worst in the future...

i'm trying not to think about it..
please dont remind me about my wound...
please...

something that i've been waiting for...

the day has arrive...

i finally heard the approval words from you..

i've been waiting for it for 30months..

i hope u really mean what u hav said..

i really hope that u will wish me happiness..

i hope what u have said is from the bottom of your heart...

greed..

when u dont hav something, u'll ask for it..
when u hav it, u feel like losing it...

life is so ridiculous..
will the end of the world comes?

i feel that our world need a change...
I need a change...
I need to experience lost...
I never experience much lost in my life..
I need to feel how is it feel like to lost something...

it will be painful...but I wanna know how well can i handle it...
I wanna know...

something new...

what's new?
1st time resigning from a job.
1st time typing resignation letter.

good or bad?
good and bad...
good is that i no longer need to face 2 faced people.
bad is that not sure if i could find students.

wish me all the best..
hopefully this year end will bring me some luck in getting new students..

*finger crossed*